Learning from our parents starts the day we enter this world. They teach us how to eat, walk, talk, read, play sports, how to be a good and thoughtful humans, and they teach us all those life lessons we experience, whether good or bad.
This learning never stops, not even in adulthood. As I just entered my fifth decade and look ahead to my own retirement, I once again turn to my parents as role models and seek guidance as I approach this next stage in my life.
My parents had pretty typical transitions into retirement. My dad moved his law practice from Toronto up to Orangeville, close to their weekend home in the country (1.5 hours northwest of Toronto). He also decided to move to that home permanently, ahead of my mom who was still working full time in the city. He was tired of the hustle and bustle of Toronto life and wanted something more peaceful. He also had 5 horses living on the property whom he loved and wanted to care for full-time. As the years passed, he shut down his Orangeville office and set up a home office. With time, he took on fewer cases and worked less hours, and eventually said that’s enough and closed up shop for good. He was 65 at that time and enjoyed his time tending to chores around the farm, looking after the horses, and going into Orangeville a few times a week to meet a friend for lunch or hit the gym. Life was pretty good.
My mom’s transition was slightly different. She worked until she was 70. After a 40 year career in neuroscience, she finally felt it was time to say good bye to the hospital she worked at, as well as city life. She sold her condo in Toronto and moved up to the farm to join my dad. It took her some time to get settled and figure out what she wanted to do but eventually she found her groove. She joined local committees, gardened, went to yoga classes, found a book club, visited with friends and family, and enjoyed the pace of country life. To this day, she has kept her emeritus status and continues to write and review papers, attends conferences and is still asked to give presentations related to the research she did in her professional life. She loves it and says it keeps her mind active and herself relevant. Who could argue with that?
Now, in terms of what I’ve learned, I have the good and the bad (in my opinion). Some people might disagree with me, but what is so beautiful about retirement is that everyone is so different. What might work for one person, won’t for another, and what one person likes, another might not. Retirement is so unique to everyone. These are simply a few things I’ve observed from my parents and some things I’ve learned along the way.
Let’s start with the bad and leave the best for last.
1. Age of retirement: My goal is to retire by the time I reach 60, or at least be semi-retired. I have no intention of working until I’m 70 like my mom did. I want to have time in my life to explore different parts of the world, spend my winters in a warm climate, and do meaningful things that will have an impact on others. I plan to volunteer, both locally and abroad. I want to continue with the activities I do now, and try new ones. One that comes to mind is learning how to play pickleball.
2. Owning any pet bigger than a dog: With my parents horses, came responsibility. Unlike a cat that you can leave alone for a couple of days or a dog that you can board, horses require care and attention every day, especially in the winter. This means you have to find someone (and trust that person) to feed them and check on their water each day. Winter in the country is much harsher than in the city and weather conditions can close roads making it sometimes impossible to travel. Temperatures might get so cold that water in large containers will freeze or worse, and pipes could freeze and possibly burst. All this to say, that while my parents were able to go on vacations in the winter to escape the cold, they were not able to go for very long. I believe the longest they traveled down south was for three weeks. The horses kept them pretty much homebound and they are expensive—food, hay, vet visits, etc. No horses for me!
3. Owning multiple properties: This point will go in both the bad and good categories. While it is a luxury to own a second property such as a cottage, farm, or home in a different country, my issue is with increased costs. This includes yearly property taxes, and additional bills for cleaning, heating, cooling, and repairs—basically the general upkeep. My parents’ farm cost them a lot of money. It was also subject to capital gains tax. Capital gains tax is the tax on profits realized on the sale of a non-inventory asset, such as real estate and property. Naturally their farm increased substantially in value from the time they bought it to the time they sold it (May 1999 to May 2023) and they had to pay this tax. It was a real source of stress for my parents because it was a lot of money. Bottom line, if you do own a second property or home, make sure you budget for these additional costs, both while using the property and when you sell.
Now, let’s get to the good!
1. Owning multiple properties: Like I said above, it is a luxury to own a second property and I hope to one day. I see myself owning a modest cottage not too far from my home that I can enjoy on weekends and for long stretches in the summer. This next point may or may not apply to me, but what I learned from my parents (something they didn’t do but I learned) is that if you see a great opportunity on a property and you are in a position to purchase it, go for it! Even if you don’t use it right away, snatch it up for a good price, use it when you can or rent it out when you are not using it to help cover some costs.
When my son was born in 2009, we went down to Naples for a week to join my parents. At that time, the economy (especially in the USA) was in the pits due to the recession and they were practically giving away properties. I remember going for my morning walks with my son and dad and seeing all the “for “For Sale” or foreclosure signs on these huge homes right along the canal. They were dirt cheap. I said to my dad, “You should buy one.” His response was, “Oh no, we couldn’t do that now with the farm and horses.” Well, fast forward 15 years and they sold the farm and now love spending their winters in Naples. They rent a home for three months and will be going down for their second winter this year. Now imagine if they had purchased a home back in 2009 when prices were a fraction of what they’d pay today. My parents recently did toy with the idea of purchasing a home in Naples, but it really didn’t make sense at this point in their lives.
So bottom line, if you find a property and it’s within your budget now, grab it, even if your use is for the future.
2. Making health a priority: We all know about eating right and exercising or just moving every day so I won’t go too much into this, except to say…DO IT! The great thing about being healthy is it can start at any time and it doesn’t matter (too much) if you start later in life. Something is better than nothing.
Apart from eating the right foods and exercising, I’ve learned that it’s best to be proactive with my health. Both my parents have heart disease, so chances are me and/or one of my siblings will suffer from this as well. Gotta love those genetics!
As a precaution and prevention, I now take a small dose of a statin. Hopefully this will be beneficial to my overall heart health. My mom believes that if she took a statin when she was my age, she wouldn’t have needed open heart surgery at the age of 69.
Know your family’s health history and do what you can to take steps early such as educating yourself, eating the right diet, getting lots of movement into your daily routine and if needed, take medication.
I want to live a long and healthy life. My goal is to become a centurion…fingers crossed! 🤞
3. Live within your means: I hate, hate, HATE debt and try very hard to not have any. It’s not easy but I don’t ever want to get into a situation where I owe tens of thousands of dollars and don’t have a way to pay it off, aside from going into my savings. I’ve seen what large amounts of debt can do to one’s life and how it can affect their retirement years. If there is one thing I have definitely learned from my parents, it’s to be careful with your money, starting at a young age so when you get to your retirement and don’t have that regular pay check coming in, you’ll be okay with the money you have saved. No one wants to delay their retirement just because they can’t afford it and have no choice but to continue to work. I don’t ever want to be in that situation and will work hard and be mindful of the money I spend now so I can enjoy my life later on – debt free (or very little).
4. Pivot, shift and adapt: My parents have always taught me to never be complacent, and never settle. This certainly applies to retired life. If something isn’t working for you in life, pivot and adapt. If you’re not enjoying an activity that you tried, don’t do it anymore. If you are bored at home, do something about it. Look for ways to keep yourself busy. And remember, retirement is not static. Life is always changing, you are changing with each passing day and year. Health challenges could happen which means something that you were once able to do very easily, might not be the case now. Know yourself, know what you are capable of, and always adapt to the situation.
For some, this might seem easier said than done and I get that. I know this stuff because I am a Retirement Coach and I talk a lot with my parents and clients. I’ve learned so much from them which I am very grateful for. I know today what I want for my future but that might change. I am always thinking and planning based on what I’ve learned and want. It’s not always easy to think about or live our lives without a job to go to everyday, a job which provided years and years of structure. But it’s not impossible either. It just takes a little work. Thank goodness it’s not “office work.”
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